It's been a while......

I used to get annoyed when blogs that I read were not updated with tons of fun baby news... I actually understand now why those bloggers were MIA for so long... Between Jamesen and I, I have been to the hospital 2 times (one over night stay) and doctors appointments out the butt! He is keeping us busy to say the least. He's had issues with reflux and projectile vomiting. We just found out yesterday that we have been feeding him too much. I feel like such an ass! At least we weren't starving him.

Jamesen is now on Soy formula because after 4 weeks of breast milk and 3 different types of milk based formula he still screamed every time he woke up. And it wasn't a I'm hungry or tired or bored cry... it was an I'm in pain cry! And now I cry because I wanted to breastfeed so bad. He actually started to nurse again after a couple of weeks of trouble latching on. So I'm still pumping and freezing my milk.. Why? I have no idea... I guess I just have a small glimmer of hope that Jamesen will be able to have it! I feel guilty because he is finally comfortable and happy after 4 days of Soy formula and all I can think of is how I feel like a failure because I didn't try hard enough and maybe I could have done something different......

I love him soooo much but I have gotten annoyed just a couple of times..... usually the first time that I am woken up in the middle of the night and then early in the morning.... I guess because I've never been good at waking up. One of my favorite times with Jamesen is in the middle of the night (after I've been up for a bit) when he is making his silly faces and smiling at god knows what.

I still cry every time I watch a baby being born on TV (I watch non stop baby shows) and when I think about not being able to breastfeed. I guess it's just the hormones.....

Melissa has been such a huge help and I don't tell her enough.... I feel guilty asking her for help sometimes because she has to go to work all day. I guess I just feel like I should be doing everything baby until I go back to work but sometimes I just feel like I can't make it..... Since Melissa has been helping me more during the week my days have been much better!

That's all for now..... Hopefully I'll find the time to update here more often as I like to keep this as sort of a journal of Jamesen's milestones and life in general.